thank heaven for little boys
by Little Angel 101
Summary: Baby Artemis must learn to be nice and respect others. yeah, right!


1**Thank Heaven for Little Boys **

Chapter One: Butler

Domovoi Butler ran down the hall to Artemis' room. He could not continue like this. This was his fifth day guarding young Artemis while his parents were taking a vacation, and already he's broken three plates, and tore ten books while throwing tantrums. Artemis Fowl had quite a temper for a one year old. He was now howling in his room, demanding that Butler come right away(the boy was still learning how to talk properly). Butler opened the door to see his charge standing at the edge of his crib, clinging to the protective bars.

"I'm hungry," Artemis whined "I wants applesauce." Butler rolled his eyes. Artemis had got him out of bed at 3:30 AM for _this?! _

"You can eat in the morning," said Butler, trying to sound patient.

"No," Artemis cried stomping in his crib "I wants to eat _now _But-lah!" Butler sighed.

"Artemis please," Butler begged, wiping his tired eyes "It's really late and you need to sleep."

"But I wants-"

"No Artemis." Artemis' face turned blank. Uh-oh, thought Butler. The toddler screamed, throwing various stuffed animals across the room at Butler, who caught them and tossed them into the toy box. After about five minutes, Artemis' voice became hoarse.

"But I'm hungry But-lah." the boy complained.

"Go to sleep Artemis." The toddler glared at him for a minute, then gave up.

"Otay." he said, allowing Butler to tuck him in.

THAT MORNING

BOOM! Butler awoke instantly. "WWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" came a shriek from Artemis' room. Butler dashed down the hall for the thirteenth time that night. This time, Artemis was lying face-down on the floor. Butler expertly scooped the crying boy up, making sure nothing was broken. All was well.

"What happened?" asked Butler, cradling Artemis.

"I was twying to gets some applesauce, and I fell." Artemis replied, putting his thumb in his mouth.

"What did I tell you," Butler exclaimed "You could have killed yourself!"

"But I wants applesauce," said Artemis "You said I could have some in tha morning."

The phone rang. It was Angeline Fowl, Artemis' mother.

"Hello, Butler," she said "I hope this won't be a problem, but Timmy and I have decided to stay another week."

"No problem at all." Butler lied.

"No prolam" echoed Artemis, who'd laid his head on the other side of the phone.

"Ooh is that Arty? How are you honey? Are you being a good boy (NO! Shouted Butler inwardly)? Do you want Mummy to bring you a teddy?"

"Yeah, Muh-thah. I wants a teddy."

"Okay. Bye Arty. Bye Butler." She hung up.

"Isn't this gonna be fun, But'lah?" Artemis asked, smiling his famous vampire smile.

Butler groaned.

Chapter two: Cuddle Care

Suddenly Butler had an idea.

"Yeah Artemis," he agreed "This is going to be fun, because you're going to daycare." Artemis paled.

AT CUDDLE CARE: A DAYCARE FOR TODDLERS

Artemis clung to Butler as if his life depended on it. He refused to allow Butler to put him in the playpen with the other toddlers.

"No But-lah," he squealed "NOOO!" Butler handed the sobbing boy to a nearby babysitter.

"We'll take good care of you, sweetie." she said sweetly, but Artemis wouldn't let go of Butlers shirt.

"No But-lah," he sobbed "I wants to stay with you. Please But-lah! PLEASE!" Butler pried Artemis' hands from his shirt, and walked to the waiting area.

ONE HOUR LATER

A Cuddle Care representative entered the waiting room panting.

"Sir, please comfort your baby. He is throwing all the toys around, and demands that you come and get him this instant." she wheezed. Butler went to the play room, where Artemis was, indeed, throwing toys at random kids, screaming and crying. But when he saw Butler, he stopped. He eyes grew wide.

"But-lah!" he cried, and attempted to climb up Butlers leg.

"Artemis," Butler said, holding the small boy, who was now strangely calm "you can't throw tantrums like this." Artemis frowned.

"I wants you to put me to sleep." Artemis stated. Butler had to stay by the mat to get Artemis to sleep. When Artemis finally did go to sleep, Butler returned to the waiting area, and pulled out a book. Suddenly he felt tiny hands on his knees. He put the book down, and saw an adorable little girl looking at him, her head tilted to one side. She had light brown skin, brown hair, and big hazel eyes. She pointed to herself.

"Cammie." she said. Butler pointed to himself.

"Butler." he said. Cammie smiled. She pointed to the door.

"I'm lost. I was looking for the bathroom. Please take me back." Cammie had an excellent vocabulary for a toddler. Butler picked her up and carried her back to the playroom, where Artemis was sitting on his mat.

"Go play with Artemis," Butler told Cammie "You can be friends." And this time, Artemis actually obliged. They played with the balls, they shared their lunches, they played with the blocks, and Artemis even shared at mat with her. Cammie could be Artemis' first friend! Finally, it was time to leave. Artemis was reluctant to part with Cammie.

"I want her to come with us," he said "She can see my teddies."

"We have to leave, Artemis." Said Butler, and dragged the toddler out the door. Artemis pouted.

"Takes me back or I'll takes your purse." he warned. Butler was unperturbed. If only he knew what Artemis was planning.


End file.
